disappearing vibrancy

 

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i ran out of words.

october was a month of transparency and eloquence.

in thirty-one days, i managed to nearly double my writing portfolio.

passion took hold and my soul overflowed,

and somehow everything ended up on these pages.

i am going to write a book, i said.

yet i continued to scribble short stories and life lessons onto my computer screen.

everything. i wrote it all down.

i chose to let go of fear, and open up my spirit.

raw, vulnerable, out on these pages.


october.

october is about trees revealing colors they’ve hidden all year.

people have octobers too.

someone called Jm Storm wrote this, though i wish i had come up with such a metaphor.

these words influenced every moment of my october.

the Lord revealed colors in me,

and those colors often revealed themselves in this blog.

october was a sweet time of growth and change.

october brought the joy of crisp air and crimson sunsets.

october provided rest for my weary soul.

october was the epitome of lovely.


it is november now.

eventually the cold must come.

eventually the vivid colors must disappear.

eventually the days will be shorter and the night may overwhelm.

the trees are bare and the wind is wild.

by the end of the week it is set to drop down to 20 degrees.


november stole my words.

november stole my rest.

november stole my zeal.

and we are hardly halfway through.

with november came hospital visits and death scares.

with november came heartache and emotional breakdowns on the floor of your closet.

with november came the never ending chaos of balancing work and school and family.

with november came a heart-cry,

ABBA, where are you in november?

will the vibrancy come back?

will my joy be restored?

will i make it out of the hole that i have so intricately dug for myself?

where are you in this?

where are you in the stroke?

where are you in the lungs full of fluid?

where are you in the quarreling?

where are you in the tears?

where are you when i cannot make it to church on a sunday morning?

where are you when i cannot sleep?

where are you when i cannot get out of bed?

where are you when i cannot rejoice?


for everything there is a season.

and each one carries a unique pain and a unique joy.

november will have it’s way,

and the sovereignty and steadfast love of the Lord will remain.

december will come, and the cold will continue for month after month.

and if flowers can teach themselves how to bloom after winter passes,

so can you.

for everything there is a season.

and now, despite the unusually warm fall weather, i feel buried under the weight of the upcoming winter.

but i have hope.

spring is coming, though it be far off.

spring is coming, and the Lord more faithful with His children than even with the flowers of the earth.

i have confidence that if a peony will rise at the break of spring,

so can i.

so will i.


so we press on.

we wait for the last of the leaves to fall.

we wait for the frost to kill of what is left of the greenery.

we wait for icicle to glisten on the bare branches of each lonely tree.

we wait, because we know that the sun still rises every morning.

and so will we.

 

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